Wednesday, January 23, 2008


I haven't been posting very much here lately, which I think is odd. My life is going through so much change, it's not as if I don't I don't have things to talk about! I'm definitely experiencing a NEW DAY every single day (ok, obviously, we all experience a new day every day, but I meant that in the more figurative sense, not literal).

And yet, this much change, and such public change, is a bit overwhelming. I find myself becoming a bit more introverted and private. People continually have questions for me, and I love that they want to know how things are going. Yet, I've found most of these conversations to be extremely frustrating. The typical scenario is that someone asks me a question (is the nursery ready? Are you ready? etc...), I share my answer honestly, and as they respond, I've found that 90% of the time, they have some judgment in their response back to me. Very few people ask me questions just to find out more about me, my life, and how I plan on doing things. I don't mind someone sharing how they did it and why (I welcome that!), but a surprising number of people are actually shocked by my answers and then will proceed to tell me why I'm wrong. And I can't win... I never know which side of shocked they will be on.

Some people think I'm planning too much, some think I'm not planning enough. Some people think I'm ridiculous for preparing for an early baby (because don't you know that all first babies are late?!), while some people think I shouldn't plan for a late baby (because, well, you really don't want to be late!). Some think I shouldn't get the nursery ready yet (because the baby usually doesn't sleep in the nursery for a while), but others think I'm being too flexible in knowing that the nursery doesn't HAVE to be ready...because I might decide that I want her in the nursery after the first night. It goes on and on and on. It's enough to make me scream (and I think I have)! Why can't people just love me, and ask questions to know me and support me, and leave it at that? It makes me sad. I'm a very social person and need that support from my friends. Yet, with all of these judgmental opinions, it makes me want to clam up and not share a bit. I barely want to go to social functions, and if I do go, I find myself keeping my chit chat really impersonal and unspecific.

I had coffee (decaff!) yesterday with an acquaintance from work who is also pregnant. It was so refreshing. We got to talk about all the things we are going through, and all the things we're busy doing, and she wasn't judgmental at all. There are some things we have different opinions on, but there is no judgment. It was soothing to my soul. Doesn't everyone just want to be known? Truly known?

I HAVE been busy, very busy getting ready. I'm trying to take a very balanced approach here. We've got a long, prioritized to-do list, and we'll just see how far down the list when baby girl makes her arrival. She is due in 58 days, but who knows... I could go into labor now, or 58 days plus 2 weeks. Only God knows. I know that whatever is done or not done when she comes is ok, and we'll just figure it out from there.

So, what have we been doing?? We've been busy painting her room (sage green), putting in another light in her room (yes, it's on a dimmer), installing a pull-down shade in her room, going to our birthing classes (so good!), hiring a doula, making a list of stuff to put in the "hospital" bag, making a list of people to notify, etc. Our biggest time thing lately has been working on our future one-income budget. I had a draft budget done a long time ago, but much has changed. It's much tighter than I had planned. It's going to be a faith-building change, that's for sure! In the meantime, we're both eating homemade lunches more, eating dinner at home more, and decided not to put beadboard in the nursery in order to save the $150 it would have cost. There will be plenty of things to spend money on, so I'm trying to cut back where I'm ambivalent.

Have an opinion? Feel free to comment... just leave out the judgment, please!


Reformed Grits said...

I bet you will be a great listener to others in the future based on your experiences here. I am a terrible listener. But I'm working on it.
I'm sorry it's been rough. :-(

Lindsey @ Enjoythejourney said...

How very exciting! It seems like just yesterday I was doing the same, sniff sniff! My babies are now 7,5, and 4 and there won't be anymore, so I snuggle everyone else's babies!